I dun wanna remain as friends all the way....

Am i juz gonna back down once more?? i hate to see her leave... right now, i can only apologise... i dun wanna pressurise her yet i dun wanna suffer again... maybe i am juz pure selfish...

I once thought if she is happy, i will be fine but tats juz bullshit... i cant let it down... bear with it, cry it out...

I feel so empty inside... i went out to run and it rained halfway... i guess the rain cool me down... wad do u noe? it hurts... it really does...

I was drunk today... there was something pressing on my heart today, so heavy... u said u had someone u admired, sorry... why did u have to be sorry? i am juz nothing to u... ur sorry is a torture to me... when u say that, wad i thought was not about myself, but how to make u dun mind me, or maybe i was thinking too much in the first place.... thinking back, i am juz a stranger passing into ur life... i mocked at myself... is god playing with me?? alcohol, so bitter yet something so dearing when u are down... it was hard... i went home and gulped down water, trying to numb myself... but i thank you, for dashing my hope and hurting me now... i wanna noe wad i had mean to u in the past... how can school get so dreadful to me?? i hope u never see the misery behind those hypocritical smiling faces and u enjoy ur happiness... perhaps, for me, happiness was not to be...

Wa at home damn sian sia... sprained my leg, scared will have after effect sia... boring dao~~ i want go exercise sia but cant go out...

A breakthrough?

I really didnt mean to ignore you... i didnt know hat to say to you at that time... Forgive me but i truly wanna talk to you... When you were just beside me, my eyes were transfixed onto you yet no words came to you... Believe me i will come soon....

The power to move on....

Wa fuck i think i miss the opportunity sia now become more difficult... stupid me sia but i wil fight back...

I dare not look in your eye cos i am afraid that i may be encaptured by you...

I will trust you... If u choose not to tell me then i dun wanna know cause i know you have your reasons... shd be studying soon or not i will not be performing well...

Did not really study today so will compensate 2moro morning... Headache getting worse shd start sleeping early liao...

Its the last lap le... i will carry with me ur well wishes and charge forward... though u hurt me but i really still wanna do it for u... i dun wanna disappoint all my teachers liao... i can give them all kind of crap during classes but no more crap for the exams and the olevels anymore... tats not how its like to be a talented student... survive through this, what does not kill you makes u stronger...

Super lot of things to register in my brain... hope to touch on lit soon history will only have 1 day... so must give in my all... i know i can do it cos my heart is burning