I dun wanna remain as friends all the way....

Am i juz gonna back down once more?? i hate to see her leave... right now, i can only apologise... i dun wanna pressurise her yet i dun wanna suffer again... maybe i am juz pure selfish...

I once thought if she is happy, i will be fine but tats juz bullshit... i cant let it down... bear with it, cry it out...

I feel so empty inside... i went out to run and it rained halfway... i guess the rain cool me down... wad do u noe? it hurts... it really does...

I was drunk today... there was something pressing on my heart today, so heavy... u said u had someone u admired, sorry... why did u have to be sorry? i am juz nothing to u... ur sorry is a torture to me... when u say that, wad i thought was not about myself, but how to make u dun mind me, or maybe i was thinking too much in the first place.... thinking back, i am juz a stranger passing into ur life... i mocked at myself... is god playing with me?? alcohol, so bitter yet something so dearing when u are down... it was hard... i went home and gulped down water, trying to numb myself... but i thank you, for dashing my hope and hurting me now... i wanna noe wad i had mean to u in the past... how can school get so dreadful to me?? i hope u never see the misery behind those hypocritical smiling faces and u enjoy ur happiness... perhaps, for me, happiness was not to be...

Wa at home damn sian sia... sprained my leg, scared will have after effect sia... boring dao~~ i want go exercise sia but cant go out...

A breakthrough?

I really didnt mean to ignore you... i didnt know hat to say to you at that time... Forgive me but i truly wanna talk to you... When you were just beside me, my eyes were transfixed onto you yet no words came to you... Believe me i will come soon....

The power to move on....

Wa fuck i think i miss the opportunity sia now become more difficult... stupid me sia but i wil fight back...

I dare not look in your eye cos i am afraid that i may be encaptured by you...

I will trust you... If u choose not to tell me then i dun wanna know cause i know you have your reasons... shd be studying soon or not i will not be performing well...

Did not really study today so will compensate 2moro morning... Headache getting worse shd start sleeping early liao...

Its the last lap le... i will carry with me ur well wishes and charge forward... though u hurt me but i really still wanna do it for u... i dun wanna disappoint all my teachers liao... i can give them all kind of crap during classes but no more crap for the exams and the olevels anymore... tats not how its like to be a talented student... survive through this, what does not kill you makes u stronger...

Super lot of things to register in my brain... hope to touch on lit soon history will only have 1 day... so must give in my all... i know i can do it cos my heart is burning

总差那几分钟。。。

Sorry... i will fade away from your life

I have nothing to say words are juz stuck in my throat... i type this post with 3 contents yet none could express my complicated feeling right now...

Pain

I tio rejected liao... feel fucking bad... but if tats wad she wish, i respect her... i dun want her to be unhappy.... maybe my brothers will help me move forward... sorry that i misunderstood ur feelings... sorry that i loved you... now tat she made it clear tat its impossible... i shall concentrate on other things... 2moro gonna go gym and keep doing until i drop dead... the mental pain will be nothing compared to the lactic acid accumulated in my cells... the flame in my heart is now rekindled and expected to burn wilder than ever... i will give in my all to move to the top... Years ago, i was left behind by her but now i am making the choice to leave her behind and move into solitary... i feel the blood in my vein burn, feel my heart collapsing and my body going into a state of cramp... It hurts... i dun wanna love anymore... Yet, the me is unable to show any weakness to my friends, family... i shall suffer in my dream...

矛盾的心情缠绕着我。。。我知道我爱她但懦弱的我却不敢向她表明。。。我只能躲在电脑后发简讯给她。。。期待着每一封回函。。。心里感到兴奋的同时，也感到那一点害怕。。。她的每句话象是波动我心弦的手。。。看到她我也许会害羞但坚强的外表却不容许我表现那么一丁点的脆弱。。。她也许已明白我的心意但愚钝的我却不能猜透她的心。。。处女座的我总是力求完美。。。总是希望以最完美的一面面对她。。。这种困扰着心里的完美感是我们的距离感觉永远无法变短。。。我总说要为她的学业着想。。。但我心里明白这只是我为自己懦弱的借口。。。知道她与另外一个男生在巴士上坐在一起，心里头有一股莫名的痛。。。我知道我嫉妒了。。。小气的一面出来了。。。课上，我望着她的背影。。。心情感到很乱。。。脑子里出现了许多的可能性但我却只愿意相信那继续点燃我心里的那把火苗的那一可能。。。我竟变得如此可悲。。。口头上的没什么却掩盖不了表现出来的不满。。。 我又发了一封短讯给她。。。可回复上只是那寥寥无几的几个字。。。我感到心灰意冷但却一直努力地维持那把火苗。。。我想问她说你们的关系是什么。。。但我凭什么，象我这种懦夫没有这种权利。。。但我却想爱着她，继续看到她的灿烂笑容。。。

结果出乎意料地差。辜负了指挥，负责老师和学长们的期望。心里根本一点也不好受但却无能为力。我仰望天空，脑子里一片空白。身旁的人，有的抱头痛哭，有的则露出无奈的微笑，有的表现得若无其事似的。那时，我，伤心却欲哭无泪，心里痛骂着。看见落泪的团友，嘴里只能吐出反复无常的安慰，什么忙也办不上。。。我站在一旁，沉默着。我知道自己已尽力了，无须后悔，但谁又能如此潇洒呢？我不甘心。凭什么给了我们这样的分数。。。。在回家的巴士上，我透着滴满雨的玻璃看着外面的世界，外头一片模糊，只看见雨水不停地打着。。。。心想上天可能在可怜我们吧。。。。但我却心知肚明，雨只不过是因为积累在云朵里的水分太多而导致的。。。但是可悲的我却宁愿相信是老天同情了我们这些卑微的人类。。。思绪很乱，肯本没精力去整理。我们弹时没打好基础，使整首歌虚有了外表的美却少了丰富的内容。裁判并不肤浅，可能因为没感受到那歌曲里的故事，才不给分的吧。我们也有几度犯下了致命的错误，才会使分数越来越低。哀怨又能如何？眼泪又能换来什么？ 过去的不能挽回了，我们只能向往未来，但我看不见未来。

我和欣彤将联手打造一个爱情故事。。。还在构思当中，但我觉得应该会蛮好的。。。匆匆满满的又过了一天。。。明天是物理实验测验。。。有点紧张，但一定会尽力而为。。。好累，好想盼到一个假期，好好休息休息。。。明天将和欣易去健身。。。 哈哈！！

恕我直言，但我觉得我班的人都超用功的，用功到使我害怕得地步。。。虽说很用功，但承受压力的能力实在太差劲了。。。多几份功课，多几个测验就能使他们叫苦连天，看得我不知该有何感受。。。我所说不聪明，但其实功课对我来说，也没什么问题。。。不知我该感谢他们使我有时十分空闲还是得怪他们使我慵懒的个性浮现。。。说了也没劲，干脆别说了。。。

我变了。。。 不知是件好事还是件坏事。。。但以前的我一定怎么也联想不到今天的我会是这样的。。。我早已抛开童真，追逐着功名。。。 可能在凡人眼里，这没什么不好。。。因为这就是他们活着的意义。。。这种思想早已遍及了这座小岛，甚至全世界。。。这也就是为何人们的品德会变得如此的低劣，不择手段，以换取一切。。。但想一想，到头来，一切却会是一场空。。。在不断的处心积虑下，最终还是难逃死亡之手。。。以前的我，应该不是这样的，自由自在，无忧无虑， 做一天和尚就敲一天钟。。。但身边的人却不知不觉地成熟了，成为了区区凡人。。。

现在的我，憧憬的不是未来，而是过去。那你呢？

情人节的悲伤作品。。。